On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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