woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
