i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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