Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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