somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
