In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize