Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
