oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
