Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
