the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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