I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
