:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
