I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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