Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
