I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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