I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
