i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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