the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
