Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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