u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
