let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
