I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
