Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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