If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
