gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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