oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there was a trapeze. enough said
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
