how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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