I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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