I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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