What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
