so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
