and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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