omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
