you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
