I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
