Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
