I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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