on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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