we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
