so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
