I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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