My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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