Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
