apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
