walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
