did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
