we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
