oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
