Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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