this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
