these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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