1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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