someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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