I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
