I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish you could order shots online.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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