It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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