i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
