so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
