we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
