you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
