ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
