I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize