Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
