i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
