i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Life is so much better after having sex.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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