I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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