tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
