Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
NoShamevember. You game?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
